


My Bedroom Smells Like Rotten Food (and I guess so do I)

by Cypress_Dream



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Campaign: Graduation (The Adventure Zone), Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Graduation, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I want to give the firbolg a hug, Intervention, Kinda, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, Panic, Panic Attacks, References to Canon, Sad with a Happy Ending, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Two Shot, Unreliable Narrator, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, aka me projecting my ED behaviors onto The Firbolg for approximately 2k words, hoarding food, takes place around episode 20, thank you travis mcelroy, war? impending doom? Nah. just fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25851130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cypress_Dream/pseuds/Cypress_Dream
Summary: Fitzroy had always been particularly paranoid. However, the thing that had set off his paranoia this time was something almost entirely insignificant.He kept finding food, stuffed in hidden corners, all around his shared dorm room.i.e. If The Firbolg never got out of the habit of storing food, despite his expulsion from his clan.
Relationships: Master Firbolg & Argo Keene & Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt
Comments: 15
Kudos: 96





	1. I try to stir my conscience

**Author's Note:**

> -Title from 'Angels of Porn II' by Nicole Dollenganger  
> -TW for eating issues.

Fitzroy had always been particularly paranoid.

Granted, he hadn't been that paranoid as a kid. But, after the many, many pranks he had suffered during his time at Clyde’s Night Knight School…well. He kinda had to be. Ever since those days, Fitzroy always prided himself on being able to prepare for and expect the absolute worst. Sure, it was mentally exhausting, but it kept him vigilant. And after all of the events of his first semester, (i.e. the whole ‘mind-controlling-people-in-order-to-to-save-the-former-headmaster’ thing, all thanks to one Higgimus Wiggenstaff) he found himself relying on his paranoia and gut feelings even more than usual while at the school. And so far, it hadn't really led him wrong.

However, the thing that had set off his paranoia this time was something almost insignificant. It was an ordinary day, and while getting ready for that ordinary day, He had dropped one of his earrings. It tumbled out of his hands and underneath one of his many drawers within a split-second. Fitzroy had sighed and swiftly crouched down, thrusting his hand underneath the drawer in haste. However, instead of feeling the cold metal of the earring, his hands instead came into contact with something...slimy, wet, and slightly...fuzzy.

Fitzroy practically flung himself backward, frantically wiping his hand off on his pants, his mind racing with panic and disorientation. It had felt so _disgusting_ , what in the _ever-loving hell_ was underneath his drawer, how long had it been there, and _Oh god,_ what if it was a _dead animal or something even worse then that_ -

But after Fitzroy eventually calmed down, he decided to slowly and hesitantly peer into the darkness underneath the drawer. What he saw was almost comical.

It was a moldy orange.

Now that he could identify it and see it wasn't a dead animal or something equally grotesque, Fitzroy reluctantly moved his hand towards the offending fruit and into the darkness underneath the drawer. He grabbed it, grimacing at the slimy, fuzzy texture, and stared it down. There didn't seem to be any ants or flies inside of it, thank the gods, but the mere presence of the orange still puzzled Fitzroy. Who would hide an orange in his room? 

Fitzroy immediately stood up, the orange now in a vice grip, and stomped next door towards the most likely culprit

* * *

“Argo!” Fitzroy started. He burst into the small, shared room of his two sidekicks, frustration and annoyance clear on his face. He stared down the previously mentioned Gensai, who was currently lying upside down, hanging off the edge of the hammock he had constructed in his shared dorm with The Firbolg. The sight of him hanging practically upside down and looking unbothered by that fact threw Fitzroy for a moment, staring dumbly at the other man.

“Yeah? What dya need?” Argo replied, a questioning look on his face.

“I...How are you balancing like that?”

“Oh!” Argo swung himself right-side up. “Well, I-”

“Whatever, that's not important.” Fitzroy dismissed, and then thrust the orange he had found towards Argo, bits of congealed fruit flying off it from the motion. “Did you hide this?”

“Huh?”

“I found this... _thing_ underneath one of my drawers. And from the looks of it, it's almost completely rotted!” He felt a slow, disgusting drip of fruity slime climb onto his wrist and yelped, dropping the fruit out of sheer reflex. It landed with a wet slap, the noise sending a shudder through Fitzroy. He wiped his hands on his pants and continued. “If you’re gonna store your stupid citrus fruits, don't just hide them and then forget about about it! If I hadn't found it this whole room might’ve stunk of _mold_!”

“What? I didn't hide that.” Argo looked just as confused.

Fitzroy throws out his arms. “Who else could’ve!”

“I swear I didn't!” Argo held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. “Honest to god, I wouldn’t hide them!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Sailor’s honor!” 

“Ugh…” Fitzroy brought his hands up to massage his temple. “The Firbolg wouldn’t do this, he doesn't eat _citrus_. So if it's not you, it's not me, and it's not The Firbolg, then who?”

“What about Snippers?”

Fitzroy shrugged. “He doesn't really...eat? I mean, he might like...eat magical energy, but I don't think he really _‘eats’_ it as much as _‘exists’_ off of it.”

“Alrighty then…” Argo tapped at his chin. “What about...Gary?”

Fitzroy turned towards the ceiling. “HEY GARY!”

Sure enough, the stone gargoyle quickly activated, animating out of the wall. “Heya, it's me, Gary! What-”

“Have you been hiding shit in our room?!” Fitzroy interrupted, his tone accusatory. 

“Nope! Not at all.”

“Well, we found _this_ rotting orange in our room.” Fitzroy pointed at the fruit on the floor like it was the bane of his existence. “Are you sure you didn't put this here?”

The gargoyle raised his eyebrows. “I don't really have a stomach, sooo...I wouldn't be able to eat it. It’s pretty useless to me.”

“You didn't decide to do this for like...a prank? Or something?”

“No! Of course not.”

Argo stood up off his hammock and cracked his back as he spoke. “Did you see who put this orange here, then?”

“Like I told you before, it's not like I’m watching or listening to you _every day_. I only watch ya when ya turn me on.” The Gargoyle shrugs as much as it can in its stony form. “I got nothin for ya.”

Fitzroy sighed. “Right. Thanks Gary. You can...turn off. Now.”

“Alrighty! Happy to help.” Gary quickly goes still and the two students look down from the gargoyle on the ceiling and back at each other.

“Well then. We got no leads.”

“Is this really that important, Fitz?” Argo crossed his arms and gave the other man a stern look. “It's just a couple a’ oranges!”

“It _is_ important! What if they like, I dunno, hid _eggs_ or...other _gross stuff_ somewhere in here so that our dorm room smells? If we let it go and I start to smell _rotten eggs_ in here, I’ll-”

Argo scoffs. “The orange probably just rolled underneath there by accident.”

“I doubt that _very_ much, Argo.” Fitzroy huffed and placed his arms on his hips. 

Argo runs his hands through his hair. “C’mon Fitz, I understand why you’re freaked about this but...I really don't think it's anything suspicious.” Fitzroy gives him a blank stare in response before turning his gaze downward. He looks dejected for a few moments before Argo sighs. “Tell ya what, if I find any more of these, I’ll let you know, okay?

Fitzroy untenses his stiff posture. “I, well. Thank you. I’d appreciate that.” He clears his throat. “ _If_ you do find anything, make sure to let me know a-s-a-p. Got it?”

“I’ll keep an eye out,” Argo brushes off imaginary dirt from his hands and begins to walk out of the room, giving Fitzroy a small pat on his shoulder as he leaves. “But, I really think this is just a one time thing”

* * *

As the week went on, it became increasingly clear that the orange was _not_ just a one time thing. 

The pair of them found more and more food hidden around the dorm room over the next few days, each find more suspicious than the last. They both found more and more citrus, including an overabundance of limes, but they also found other types of food. Nuts, berries, various meats and cheeses. _It's like a goddamn charcuterie board up in here,_ Fitzory had thought, finding a smorgasbord of food hidden inside their bottom-most bathroom drawer.

The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back was when Fitzroy looked underneath his bed and found some crepes, wrapped individually in plastic and stashed in a pile.

The two decided to talk about the issue later that same day.

“Maybe we should wait a bit. I mean, we still aren't sure-”

“Argo, those crepes were _wrapped_. And if I know anything, it's that crepes are a bitch to wrap up in plastic like that without crushing them. Someone was clearly trying to save them, If it was a prank they wouldn’t have bothered with that kinda thing! They would have just let it get taken over by ants.”

Argo shrugged. “So? How does that fact point to the Firbolg at all?”

“Well, who _else_ do you know that has access to this room, _and_ cares enough about what I eat to save it?”

“Okay, okay, you may have a point...I just…” Argo scoffed. “I don't see how confronting The Firbolg about this would help in any way. I mean, what's the harm in it?”

“Confronting me about _vhat?”_

Fitzroy and Argo jumped back, turning around quickly to see The Firbolg standing in the doorway of their shared room, his expression intense.

 _Ah, shit._ Fitzroy thinks.


	2. It was never really there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -tw panic attack

“O-Oh! Master Firbolg! Uh, we were just-”

“Confronting me. About.  _ Vhat? _ ” 

There was a pause, the tension around the trio turning heavy, before Argo stepped forward. “Well. It's just. Hm, how do I put this…” Argo scratched at his chin before continuing. “We found a lot of...well, a lot of _ food _ stashed around the place, and. We wanted to ask you if you knew anything about it.”

“You...found...?”

“Yeah. A while ago.” “We wanted to bring it up with you but…”

“We didn't know how to do it.” Fitzroy finished. “It's not a big deal, of course. It's just that-”

“Oh…” The Firbolg let out a breath, and didn't start to take one in. It's as if he suddenly stopped, like a robot with its switch flipped off. The two other Thundermen looked at their companion cautiously. 

“Uh, Firbolg? Buddy? Bud? You doin okay?”

And with that, like a puppet with its strings cut, the Firbolg slumped down, his massive size and weight shaking the whole room. Fitzroy yelped in alarm at the sudden movement.

“Shit, I think he's freaking out!” Argo said as he sprung into action, trying to push the Firbolg so he wasn't lying face down on the floor.

“Well no shit he’s freaking out! What do we do?!” Fitzroy’s pitch got higher and higher as his sentence continued, clearly panicking.

“Help me get him up!” Argo was now leaning all of his weight on the Firbolg, trying to get him into an upright position. Fitzroy quickly joined him in his efforts, and their combined strength got the Firbolg to sit upright, his back leaning against the door he came in through and legs splayed out onto the floor. He clearly wasn't looking too hot. His gaze was a million miles away, and he looked completely terrified. More scared than either of the other Thundermen had ever seen him. 

“My goodness! What do we do?” Fitzroy panicked, putting his arms on the Firbolgs shoulders. “Firbolg! Buddy! Come back!”

Argo shoved Fitzroy away from their larger friend. “Get away from him, man, you won't do him any good like that.” Argo grabbed one of the Firbolgs hands, and placed it on his chest.

“What the heck are you-?”

Argo turned to face the half-elf, cutting him off. “Just let me do what I need to do, okay Fitz?” Fitzroy clearly looked confused, but he nodded all the same, and backed off. Argo looked back at the Firbolg, his expression determined.

“Okay. Firbolg? Are you in there?” Argo began. There was no response from the Firbolg, his now heavy breathing being the only sound in their small dorm room. “Well, if you  _ can _ hear me, try to link your breathing up to mine, okay? Breathe in, one, two, three, breathe out, one, two three. Got it? Breathe in, one, two, three-”

Argo continued like that for a bit, repeating the motions and trying to get the Firbolg to breathe at the same time as him. Slowly but surely, the Firbolg appeared to register the command, and followed Argo’s breath beat by beat.

“You’re good, man. We gotcha. Youre safe here.” Argo said, giving a look to Fitzroy. Fitzroy merely stared at him in confusion before Argo jerked his head to their larger friend.

“Ah, yes. You’re okay, Firbolg. Theres nothing here that will harm you. Not if I can help it, anyway.”

Ever so slowly, the Firbolg regained some recognition in his eyes. He coughed, placing his hand on his forehead, and gave a long breath outward. Argo used his genasi magic to levitate some water from a glass on the nightstand directly into his mouth, carefully making sure he didn't choke on it. After the Firbolg drank most of it, he opened his eyes to Argo and nodded.

“Thank you, friend.” 

Argo nodded and smiled. Fitzroy tapped the side of the Firbolgs arm. “Good to have you back, buddy. Where’d you go?”

The Firbolg ducked his head down and cleared his throat. “I am...wery sorry for dis. An act of shame, in my clan.”

“Hey! Don't apologize for that. People I know have...those episodes, all the time. Its totally normal.” Argo squeezed the Firbolgs hand.

“But. Hmmm. Is zhat vhy you knew...vhat to do? For me?”

Fitzroy nudged Argo. “Yeah, how did you know what to do there? You seemed pretty experienced.

Argo smiles bitterly. “Well. With the people I’ve worked with, sometimes the sailing life...it gets to them. I just did what I knew worked.”

“More importantly, why’d you freak out so bad?” Fitzroy gave a small smile, directing his question to the Firbolg. “If you really don't wanna talk about it then its fine, but-”

The Firbolg shook his head, cutting the half-elf off. “I vas...vorried.”

“Worried?”

“I….hmm…..” The Firbolg took a fairly large pause, even longer than he usually did. Eventually, he did speak, all the focus in the room drawn to his words. “My clan...when they noticed I...kept food around...dey…” he grumbled out the rest of his sentence under his breath.

“It’s alright,” Argo interrupted. “You don't have to finish, we gotcha.”

The Firblog shook his head. “Dey… as you say, kicked me out.” He finished. “I vas….vorried you vould-”

“Never.” Fitzroy stated with finality, cutting the Firbolg off. “We would’ve _ never _ dropped you from the Thunderman for something as small as this!”

“Yeah!” Argo butt in. “I mean, we got our weird quirks too! We’d be hypocrites if we’d had just kicked you out for that.”

The Firblog nodded. “In my heart...I knew dis. But. When you brought it up, I...uhhh...panicked.”

“Why did they kick you out for storing food in the first place? I mean, don’t you guys store food on the reg for the winter?” Fitzroy asked.

The Firbolg sighed. “No. Dee Firbolg...My Clan...we only take what is around us. We cannot, uhhh...save, food. It must be taken as it is. From Nature.”

“Well.” Argo snorted. “That doesn't make any sense. You didn't save anything?” The Firbolg nodded. “Then...what happens during the winter? How did you guys survive?”

“Ve barely did. Many of my brothers….do not make it through dee season. It is vhy I started saving food in dae first place.”

“Ugh,” Fitzroy shook his head. “That’s a  _ stupid _ thing to kick you out for. Absolutely moronic. I thought it was going to be something...cooler.

“...Cooler?” The Firbolg asked.

“Like, I dunno, I thought they kicked you out for something... _ badass. _ ” The curse came out with a stumble, as they always did when it came to Fitzroy. “Like, doing dark magic or something equally grotesque. But all this time, it’s only because you were trying to be smart by hoarding food?” Fitzroy shook his head. “They didn't  _ deserve _ you, Firbolg.” Fitzroy had spat out the word ‘deserve’ as if it had personally offended him. 

A lull of silence fell over the group, none of them knowing quiet what to say. The moment passed, and Argo soon sprang up from his spot next to the Firbolg, who looked up in alarm.

“C’mon. We are getting _ ice cream.  _ Ice cream always makes people feel better!”

“Hell. yes.” Fitzroy sprang up next to him. “We can write it off as a business expense.”

The Firbolg stood up as well, confusion evident in his features. “Iced...cream?” 

“You’ve been out of the forest for _ this long _ and you haven't had ice cream yet???” Fitzroy looked at the Firbolg as if he’d committed a grave offense. “That's it. Ice cream time NOW.” Fitzroy twirled and strutted out of the room, walking as if he were a man on a mission. “There had better be some cookie dough ice cream in the dining hall. Otherwise, I’m going to go right into Hieronymous’ office and blast him with lightning, demon prince or no.”

Fitzroy’s voice got farther and farther away as he began to walk out of the room, his rant carrying on down the hallway. Argo patted The Firbolg on the back, his expression open. “C’mon. If we don't hurry we’re gonna lose him.”

The Firbolg took a moment to look at his comrade, and then a small smile spread across his face. “Yis. I vant to try dis...ice cream.”

* * *

They didn't force him to stop hoarding his food. But they did try and wean him off it.

Fitzory started to keep a little food cabinet, recommissioning one of the many drawers in his quarters for this exact purpose. He partially made it so the Firbolg knew they had food with them at all times, just in case. It was also made so that he didn't have to worry about the food that was being hoarded somehow going bad. Whenever he found food squirreled away somewhere, he placed it in the cabinet, and locked it with arcane magic. So, if there ever was some type of famine or other cataclysmic event, (like perhaps, the _war_ they were supposed to be preparing for) the Thundermen, and only the Thundermen, would be able to have this supply of food. 

Argo also helped, cutting down on the stores and constantly reiterating to the Firbolg that they really didn't have to store stuff for winter, as the school’s kitchen is open all year round. The constant reminders helped cut down on the hoard of food, as well as making the Firbolg all around less worried about food in general.

During meal times, the group all made sure to eat everything on their plate, to set an example for Firbolg to do the same and not neglect his own meals by worrying about them. And, over time, slowly but surely, the Firbolg became less and less worried about food. Sure, he still had his off days, but overall, he’s doing better than before at least. 

And after that day, ice cream became one of the Firbolg's favorite foods. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Lol instead of going to therapy for my issues I just write fanfiction about them instead. Like, first that popular P5 fic and now this. We love healthy coping mechanisms.  
> -gettin back into my roots by writing taz fic feels very nice. And comfy. All roads lead to home after all.  
> -Sorry the wait was so long. Idk what was up with my brain that I couldn't finish it. but its done babey! I hope it isn't a disappointment :)  
> -Writing Fitzory....is so difficult....I'm praying that no one seems OOC, that's like my number 1 insecurity when I write fic. Esp the Firbolg. Writing him was...an interesting experience.  
> -I made a post on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/van-goghs-cypress) that was like "lol what if I wrote adventure zone fic ahaha jkjkjk." but then a bunch of people liked it and gave me attention sooooo I feel obligated to stay true to my word.  
> -A special thank you to Johnllauren whose various maplekeen fics inspired me to write a taz fic of my own. (specifically Heart Thrilled by the Still of Your Hand) *blows a kiss to the sky*  
> -Please comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed! They're a real self-confidence boost. Stay safe out there!


End file.
